is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
