maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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