We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
