Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
