it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
