you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
