If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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