That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
