oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
