I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
