He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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