Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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