and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
sarcasm needs its own font
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
