Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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