corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So many bounce houses so little time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
