the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
