Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
