I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
