He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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