Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
