you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
