Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
