Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
