Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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