cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
