Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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