Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
