Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need water and some morals
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
