I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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