Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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