well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize