Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
