grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
