omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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