used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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