i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
