I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
