He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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