My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
