How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
