i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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