I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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