I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
