Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
