I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
