Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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