So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm going to jail i love you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
