I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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