I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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