I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
