ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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